Strict vs. Nurturing

When I read Lakoff's article about the differences between a strict father model and the nurturing model parent, many examples came to my mind in terms of my own life and also other people in my family, or just what I see around.

Lakoff intends to explain that mostly in every family there is someone who is the strict parent and someone who is the nurturing parent. The strict parent is the one that usually sets the rules and wants things done his or her way. In most cases, it's the father in the family that is the strict parent, in other cases it happens to be the mother. The strict parent can be the one that sometimes we might be afraid just because they show so much authority that we feel like we have to obey all the time and if we do something wrong we are scared or worried about the consequences.

The nurturing parent is a whole different story. It does not mean that the nurturing parent is not respected or obeyed, it just means that as kids it's easier to be less obedient with the nurturing parent because that parent is not as strict and can be a lot more forgiving than the strict parent.

In my case, it kind of goes both ways because, my situation changes constantly. Both my parents have a side of strictness and also of nurturing parents. When I was very small, I've been told that I was very attached to my mom, and I don't really know why since my dad spoiled me more than she did because my brothers came along and she had her hands full; she had to be equal with all of us. I guess it's because at the age of two to five years old it's normal to want to be around the mother more. When I was older, but still a kid, I started wanting to be around my dad a lot more, simply because since I'm the only girl he spoiled me a lot more than he did the boys. In a childish kind of way, I knew how to bribe my dad to get what I wanted, and with my mom that was impossible to do and she was stricter with me than he was. However, I was also very afraid my dad because even though he spoiled me, he was also very strict and wanted things done his way, I wasn't scared of my mom even though she wanted to be obeyed too because she was a little bit more lenient when it came to punishment . When I was small, I didn't really have a problem with that though. However, when I reached my teenage years, I started considering my mom the nurturing mother more just because she's a girl and she understands the issues that start to show up as teenagers, like when it came to boys for instance. My dad could be a really hard head when it came to stuff like that, he simply didn't understand, and wanted me to pay attention to stuff that actually mattered like my education, so I saw him later on more as the strict figure.

Now that I'm older I realize that the mother is always the most nurturing one because even though she didn't spoil me as much as my dad, she's always the one that worried about my health, if I eat everyday, she worried about us being home, not out onto the streets till late. My dad didn't really do any of that, I know he cares but he's not the one staying up late at night if any of us is sick or worrying about us eating everyday. I have to admit his strictness along with personal experiences made me a strong, independent woman. My mom taught me to care about my family, she showed me the responsibilities of being a mother so if one day I were to have a baby of my own, I would know how to take care of my family.